Harold, the fat old letch.

February 14. Valentines Day! And what did we do? Amy dragged me to a bloody Neighbours night in an English theme pub in Melbourne. It sounded like a laugh - for A$35 each we'd get to meet the guy who plays Harold Bishop plus another two lesser stars, Dr Karl Kennedy's band would play some live music and everyone would take part in a big pub quiz. We thought it would be cheesy and funny and we'd meet lots of like-minded people who weren't really into Neighbours but went for a giggle - after all, Danielle and Emily went to the same night when they were in Oz and they enjoyed it. Well, we weren't betting on the sad fan-base that turned up.

When the three stars arrived, the crowd erupted like Elvis had risen from the grave. The two girls we'd met in the queue, ate dinner with and played the pub quiz with seemed fine until 'Stuart' appeared (I don't know their real names), reducing them and the rest of the girls in the crowd to screaming banshees.

One girl pleaded: "Do you think I can win him away from his girlfriend?" Of course you can't you stupid bint. She later got jealous whenever he posed for a photo with another punter. Psycho.

I also had an argument with a bloaty bouncer when he told me off for sitting on a ledge in the pub. "Find me a chair then fatty, or tell me why the pub's sold twice as many tickets than it has chairs" (only people seated were allowed to take part in the quiz - I later stole a chair from another group while they were busy mobbing Harold). In truth I was just trying hard to get chucked out as an excuse to leave early, but it didn't work. The bouncer (who was incidentally the spitting image of Toadie) could hardly throw his own weight through the doors, let alone another person's.

At least the three present cast members were friendly. 'Harold' was a dirty old letch who couldn't keep his eyes off all the young ladies, 'Stuart' was doing a fine job at enduring kisses from the 200 booze-breath girls that mobbed him all night and 'Steph Scully,' well, Steph Scully was pissed and seemed to really be enjoying herself.

"Do you like doing these public appearances?" Amy asked Steph.
"The alcohol helps," she replied, before doing that drunk thing where you're standing perfectly still but somehow lose your balance for no reason whatsoever and have to grab a table for support.

In the end it was fun, though I think we'll skip the Ramsey Street tour.

Where are we? We've spent the past week in Melbourne, seeing the sights and shopping. We went to the massive, free annual St Kilda music festival on Sunday - a day where several thousand people walk round and round the city trying to find a music stage. When we found one, it was great fun (shockingly, some Aussie bands are good and play more than just 'Land Down Under').

We've just invested in a flashy new digital camera, which is very stupid considering that we're going to South America in just over a month and will get it nicked before we've even stepped off the plane.